I am always split on issues like this because I can't judge somebody for their preferences in a partner and there is enough diversity out there to be inclusive of a lot of different types of people. There are Men that like women to be more feminine, but there are also men that don't. I think there is also a difference between the expectation that the other person takes care of themselves without rising to the level of making themselves look like a Barbie. This is especially true when first meeting. Nobody should spend half the day getting ready, but basic grooming and hygiene is not an unreasonable desire from either side. I can't think of a single example in my life where partners didn't relax around each other after a certain period of time. There is also a difference between relaxing and being indifferent to your partner.

If I don't wear form-flattering clothes, if I don't shave my beard, if I don't groom my hair, if my nails grow too big, if I don't make the effort to look put together, who would be attracted to me? Every species has its own mating dance. The colorful feathers of a peacock. The birds of paradise with their mating dances.