A wonderful introspective piece. This is one of those areas where political correctness and moral high-ground should sort of melt away. You can't help who you're attracted to. You don't owe anybody your attention or affection.

It is not your obligation to seek out the perfect black man before going "outside your race" any more than it is not my obligation to preserve my jewish bloodline (some people are really touchy on this one). I'm sorry you were made to feel like an outsider growing up, it must have been difficult.

As a skinny, recently immigrated (29 years ago), white guy with a russian accent, growing up in philly, I also had lessons on how to be more "fly" by my black classmates. Apparently, "Chopin" (mom finished music school) was not the correct answer for favorite artist and I spent a good portion of 4th grade music class learning the words to "Ruff Ryders' Anthem"...though I wasn't allowed to sing some of the verses...